Hey guys, it's currently 11:12 P.M. I've spent all night listening to music and suddenly became so inspired to talk about this subject while listening to the song "Leaning on myself-Anna of the North". I've struggled with this subject a lot and I can 100% say that I'm still learning to stop giving a crap about others opinions of me. Regardless, I thought I would give my insight on this subject and talk about my experience with discovering my self worth.
All throughout high school I was addicted to the feeling of validation. Not only from my inner circle, but from the random peers at my school as well (including the people who probably didn't even know my name). I found my self worth in people pleasing and feeling like I fit in with the crowd. I found comfort in surface level things such as how many likes I would get on an instagram post or how many friends I had IRL. Looking back, I can clearly see how much time I wasted analyzing other peoples opinions of me when I could have been spending time doing the things I love. If I'm being honest I still have some of these tendencies to overthink and care too much, but over the past four years of high school I've grown as a person and these issues of mine are to a much lesser extent. Only more recently have I began to adopt the mindset that it is more important to "lean on myself" rather than other people and grow as a person on my own. Going into college it's important to gain independence, not only from your parents, but from others around you as well. Don't get me wrong, it's amazing to have a group of people who support you wherever your life path may go, but it isn't essential to have 1,000+ followers or be deemed "popular". So heres my 5 tips on how to stop looking for validation in other people and to stop caring what other people think.
Number 1) Stop asking for their opinion
Oh my goodness. As if I couldn't state this enough. Have a dream? Have an idea? Want to try something new? Ask yourself for approval, not other people. So often do we ask everyone around us for their opinion on "is this picture cute enough to post?" or "Do you think this dress flatters me?" Honestly, who cares. If something makes you happy, sparks creativity in you, makes you feel confident, I whole heartedly encourage you to do it. Easier said than done, I know, but take the first steps towards changing the people pleasing mindset that a lot of us have. Starting this blog I didn't ask a single soul for their opinion on making this site, because at the end of the day the only opinion that matters is your own.
Number 2) People do like you
The sad truth is, I spent a good amount of time in high school wallowing in self pity wondering why I didn't have that many friends or as I would say "why does nobody like me". I wish I could go back and tell my past self how untrue this is. I spent so much time censoring my thoughts and feelings in everyday conversation to fit in and try and make friends with "popular" people. I wish I would have realized that by doing this I was only hurting myself. People did like me, but I was looking in the wrong places. So many teens spend all their time trying to become popular or join specific crowds of people in their school when honestly, they don't belong there and that's okay. I was a primary example of this case. My best advice would be to not pay attention to the cliques and the superficial parts of school. Be open to acting like your true self in front of others and the friends will come.
Number 3) Okay..but what about the haters
This part is a little painful to write because I know there are so many kind-hearted amazing people out there who deserve to be loved and cared for by others but worry way too much about making fake friends. Let me be clear, no matter what you do, someone will dislike you. I know this sounds harsh but it's the honest truth. Maybe you and this person have different morals, maybe they judge you based on your social status, or maybe they don't like you for a petty reason such as you wore the same prom dress as them junior year, but you can't change someones heart. All you can do is be the best version of yourself and accept that it's okay if you have someone who doesn't want to be your friend. Be strong and independent. Focus on the friendships that make you happy and let the haters hate (I promise you that they have their own issues to work through).
Number 4) Take yourself on Dates...Seriously
I know this may sound silly, but if you really need a boost of confidence to make you feel independent and bad*ss, try taking yourself out. Go to lunch, get your nails done, do what makes you happy and this time ditch the plus one. It is so important to show yourself that you can do these simple tasks alone and it will help you to realize you don't need anyone in your life but yourself really. On days where I'm feeling lonely or down I like to do small things like a spa night or paint with my watercolors to treat myself. Show yourself that being independent really isn't so lonely.
Number 5) Say no
As a chronic people pleaser i've spent so much of my life saying yes to almost everything people ask me to do in order to feel validated by them. As I've grown older I've realized it's 100% okay to say no to things I don't feel like doing. Say no to the kid in your group project who's trying to put his workload on you, say no to the party that makes you uncomfortable, because at the end of the day nobody will even notice and you will feel so much happier and relieved to know that there isn't so much stress on your plate.
Most of you have probably heard things similar to what I have said somewhere whether it be on the internet, a friend, or even a parent but I promise if you truly live by them and actually implement them into your life you will actually see a difference.
